I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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