Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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