sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
