He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
