You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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