I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
