I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
