He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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