drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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