I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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