What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
