Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
