My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
