they need to just BURY HIM!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
