i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
