having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
