I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i think i just lost a toe
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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