why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize