Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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