i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
