So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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