is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
