News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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