And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
