If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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