i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
