I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize