you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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