T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize