today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
