In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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