My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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