In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
