Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
