apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i've created a new STD.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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