I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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