Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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