I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
