My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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