You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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