guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
