Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
