well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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