and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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