Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
