this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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