If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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