bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
