her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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