I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
