so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
