Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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