fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
