i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
