Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
