You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
