NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
