Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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