drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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