one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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