what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
