singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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