Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just gift wrapped bread.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
