oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I party with great urgency now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
