if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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