were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
a search helicopter?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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