none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
