Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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