i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
