hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
