She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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