guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
