Please, let me fuck your mom
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
